? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
