Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
