If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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