new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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