i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
