Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
