omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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