he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
