Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
