I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
