dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
