I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
