I think i peed on brittanys purse
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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