I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
