There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i think i just lost a toe
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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