dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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