My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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