I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
