I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
