I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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