finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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