8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this is an emotional support booty call
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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