just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
