Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
