So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
