Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
