mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
