So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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