I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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