Jerry, you need to find god
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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