I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
