i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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