I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
