That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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