what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
