Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she peed on how many people?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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