Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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