I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
two words: eviction party
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
