No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
