i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
