Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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