He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
