things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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