remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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