This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
