it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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