Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
