Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
