Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
