so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
