just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
